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Dressing Rooms and Death

Finally going home. On Monday I had an appointment with a personal shopper at a   Chicago-area Nordstrom (a free service they provide) to find a dress for my niece's wedding. I had figured, and rightly so, that having another person pull dress options for me would make the process easier and would be more likely result in a successful outcome. My appointment was scheduled for 11am. At 2pm I left Nordstrom with the needed dress. The appointment was a success. I, however, was a wreck. Both emotionally and physically exhausted, and, if I'm honest, kinda traumatized. This might seem like a dramatic over-exaggeration, but it is how I felt. Here's how things went down: I was greeted by a lovely woman named Diane who took me to a large dressing room where she had at least 20 dresses hung along two walls, as well as 4 pairs of heels, a few accessories, and a bottle of water. She did a quick walk through of what she had pulled for me and then left me to get started. The dressing roo...
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Recent posts

Climbing Menopause Mountain

Welcome to Menopause Mountain, and the Menopause Triad (PeriMenopause + Menopause + PostMenopause). This phase of life for woman can begin as early as 35 (though 40-45 is more typical) and basically lasts until you're dead. Yay! As I have moved through adulthood, I found our culture has talked of this thing called Menopause as though it's the flipping of a switch. One day you're a regular, child-bearing-capable woman, and the next you've hit Menopause and life is over. But that's not even close to the truth. First of all, life isn't over at Menopause. Life metamorphasizes at Menopause. A woman's life becomes something new and different.  And second, it is definitely not at the flip of a switch!  I've decided to think about this as a journey. Like Bilbo Baggins of Hobbit fame, I was all but dragged from my cozy, humble homeostasis into a perilous adventure. Unlike Bilbo Baggins, I wouldn't be slaying orcs or getting lost in caverns. No, I would be cli...
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ON TURNING 50

I turned 50 a few days ago. A turning of the page that I have dreaded since I initially found 40 a more difficult than expected milestone. But as I neared "the big day", I found myself unable to muster a whole lot of bluster for the event. Thanks to the roller coaster of good and bad that has been my late 40s (here's looking at you, Covid Shutdown and MF'ing Perimenopause...but also moving and kids growing up), I've found a new perspective on life. One that has little to do with numbers...be that years gone by, the force of gravity on my body's mass (aka, my weight), the amount of accomplishments and money I've accrued, or any other number we're told to worry about.  So, though it's been a long time since I've used this platform, I thought I'd share a few things I've learned...Both for the camaraderie (you are not alone!) and the edification of those coming up the years-ladder behind me and who may be a little wary of the BIG 5-0 rung. ...
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Mid-Life Crisis. Quarter-Life Crisis. Existential Crisis. ...Why Are We Here?

     When I think "Mid-Life Crisis," I think of a 45 year old man with a new, younger wife and a sports car...for some reason, in my head, he's a dentist...because that is what my culture has taught me a mid-life is. But that's not it.      When I think "Quarter-Life Crisis," I think of John Mayer's song...cuz we went through that shit together, man. Me and John. We was tight in our twenties.      Personally, I have existential crises. Which is the same thing as mid-life and quarter-life crises, but I have them, like, once every year or two, so they're not tied to age or stage.      I assume other people experience this too-- these moments of questioning whether our lives have purpose, meaning, and value-- since there's a term for it. Right?       Do you?       I wonder...How often do others question their life's purpose and their reason for being? Are you looking for meaning and purpose ...
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The Next Right Thing: Following Your Intuition In Your Daily Life

Does your schedule run your life?  Does your to-do list?  Do you find yourself often running on autopilot, mindlessly accomplishing tasks barely aware of what you're doing...and maybe even why you're doing it?  Do you ever look at certain processes at work (or at home) and think, why do we even do this? Or, why do we do it this way? And the only real answer is because that's how we've always done it. I have. Especially the to-do list thing.  Living your life on autopilot, doing things just to check them off a list, doing things simply because we've always done them...these are all signs of mindless living. And mindless living can, quite easily, lead to anxiety and depression. (Case in point: my list making started as an anxiety coping mechanism. (Write it down then you won't worry about forgetting to do it.) But it eventually turned into an anxiety inciter when the lists started running my life.) When you're asleep at the wheel of your own life, following an...
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Burnout

Anyone else feeling it? This feeling...like your slogging through swamplandia. The grey skies. The winter weather relapse. The seemingly never ending pandemic. The daily slog that feels like a 2 ton truck on your shoulders and mud and muck under your feet. The exhaustion. The lack of patience. The feel of being at the pathetic, frayed end of your rope. It's called Burnout .  Burnout is what happens when we don't take care of ourselves--or our jobs/responsibilities don't allow us to take care of ourselves. It's the state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It's feeling overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. (Yeah, that sounds about right.) Burnout is characterized by... - poor performance and reduced creativity (check) - difficulty focusing (check) - lack of motivation (check) - feeling helpless/hopeless to fix things (check) - exhaustion (check) - headaches, stomachaches, or body ach...
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Body Love

I think maybe what we and our bodies need is more love.  Two years years ago I wrote about Belly Love (Link:  MamaManagement Belly Love ) and I've recently been thinking more and more about how loving ourselves needs to become a practice, something we do every day. We need to make it a part of our daily routines.  And affirmations are great--I'm a big believer in them. But I think when it comes to our bodies, we need to connect those kind words to our physical beings. I've talked before about lovingly rubbing my belly when I lotion after a shower in an effort to really accept its new Buddha-like softness. But it seems to me that our whole bodies...our whole selves need that kind of love. I also know that new habits are easiest to implement when you attach them to existing habits--it's called habit stacking (It's from Atomic Habits. Great Book. Read it.) So, look at your day for opportunities to stack body love habits on top of existing habits. Here's what I...
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