MamaManagement

It amazes me at how different each of my Nanowrimo experiences has been. 2017 was my fifth year participating and my fourth year as a winner (50,000 word finisher). Each year has held its challenges and its moments of flow; each book has come with both ease and difficulty. But the coolest thing is...they come. Sometimes I'm amazed that these detailed stories and characters and whole worlds come to me at all...and other times I'm amazed that I've managed to capture so few of them from this ethereal space in and around my mind, when so many live there. Either way, there's nothing quite like Nanowrimo to throw me into these imaginary worlds. The last few months have not been easy ones for me. There's a lot going on in my world and I've been struggling more than I'd like to admit (Okay, I actually admitted it in a blog post last week...so, super private!). In some ways this made Nano particularly difficult for me this year. Even though I technically had m

This is a pill bottle. It is a pill bottle with my name on it. In this bottle are tiny white pills containing something called a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. It's prescribed for depression and anxiety. I have never in my life taken an SSRI, or any other psychotropic drug, before...until this week. I held onto the prescription for these little pills for more than month before I filled it, grappling with what it meant to take them...to need them. I felt like a failure. I've always been able to manage my emotional ups and downs with some combination of exercise, reevaluation, time, and sheer will. But this time was different. This time was some weird perfect storm that brought everything to a head all at once and resulted in my body remaining in a constant, heightened state of anxiety. You know that feeling you get just before you go on stage, or get up in front of an audience for a big presentation, or before an uncomfortable conversation or early morning flight