MamaManagement

My Sweet Cooper My heart feels both leaden and constricted, at once both insurmountably heavy and squeezed tight as a furious fist. My eyes, surrounded by swollen lids, burn. My head aches. My legs are antsy. My stomach churns. I am agitated, with flat affect. I can't concentrate. I can't sit still. I feel dissociated from my surroundings, except for the times when something triggers the wellspring of sadness that lives in my chest and the tears spill once again. I know this is grief. I know this is normal. I know this will ease with time. I know that he was so sick and I know that he was suffering and I know that that is over now. I know that it would not have been right to try and keep him with me. I know he is better off now. And I like all of the pictures people share with my imagination: Cooper with angel wings, Cooper running in a field with other dogs, Cooper getting ham sandwich shaped dog treats from God, Cooper crossing a rainbow bridge, Cooper young and heal...

Cooper livin' large on the couch As most of you already know, our family dog, Cooper, is at the end of his life. He has bladder cancer that has spread and our vet has said he has a month or two left before things get bad. So we are giving him medication to keep him comfortable and trying to fill his remaining days with lots of love. He has stopped eating dog food, but since I transitioned to making him chicken and rice, his appetite has been revitalized...at least for now. But the biggest change in his little, day-to-day, doggie world is that he is now allowed on the couch to cuddle, and he has moved from his dog bed on the floor of our master bedroom, to the master bed. And here's what has happened...I have fallen in love all over again. I had forgotten how much I love dog spoons (curling up with with your favorite dog). There is something comforting and reassuring about sleeping with a dog. The weight of their side against your leg or the gentle pressure of their paws ...

Cooper, when we first adopted him Three and a half months ago I took my dog, Cooper, to the vet for some tests because he was behaving strangely. At the end of that visit we discovered that he had a tumor in his bladder and an enlarged spleen. But they felt it was operable. So, three months ago my dog had surgery to remove his spleen and a large portion of his bladder. The surgery went well. He recovered quickly. And was doing well. Until about a month ago, when he started acting strangely once again. I talked to the vet, they did a urinalysis, and everything came back normal. So she gave him some extra pain meds to get him through the holidays and we decided to just go ahead with our already scheduled 3 month follow-up ultrasound in January. Which was yesterday. It did not go well. The cancer is back. Another tumor in his bladder. It's pressing on his prostate and colon. One of his nearby lymph nodes is very enlarged, likely the cancer has spread there. Some levels in...