It amazes me at how different each of my Nanowrimo experiences has been. 2017 was my fifth year participating and my fourth year as a winner (50,000 word finisher). Each year has held its challenges and its moments of flow; each book has come with both ease and difficulty. But the coolest thing is...they come.
Sometimes I'm amazed that these detailed stories and characters and whole worlds come to me at all...and other times I'm amazed that I've managed to capture so few of them from this ethereal space in and around my mind, when so many live there. Either way, there's nothing quite like Nanowrimo to throw me into these imaginary worlds.
The last few months have not been easy ones for me. There's a lot going on in my world and I've been struggling more than I'd like to admit (Okay, I actually admitted it in a blog post last week...so, super private!). In some ways this made Nano particularly difficult for me this year. Even though I technically had more writing time than I've had in years past, the act of writing was, at times, tainted by my current mental state. Everything's been tougher, and my writing was no exception. Some days getting in my word count just wasn't possible. I fell behind here and there, something I haven't done much before. Some days I felt the strain of needing to create from a less than ideal creative mindset. Some days I felt the pressure of the word count.
BUT...
I also discovered writing as a safe place, a source of calm, and an anchor. The rhythm of it, the escape and submersion into another world, the focus...even though I often didn't feel very focused at all. (Picture me diligently writing 300 words, then clicking over to scroll Facebook for 10 minutes, then realizing that I'm supposed to be writing, and going back to my word doc.) What I realized when the first week of December hit and the wheels REALLY fell off the proverbial bus, is that writing was doing its part to hold me together.
Did the word count goal of 1667 words a day pressure me sometimes? Yes. Did I yell things like, "There's a mountain of dishes to do, I still have to find jokes for the kids lunch boxes, there's a load of laundry in the dryer, AND I don't even have my word count in!" at ten o'clock at night? Yes, yes I did. Which makes it sound like the intense writing schedule of Nano made my stress and anxiety worse. But I'm not sure that's true. Because it also gave me an excuse to ignore my ever-looming to-do list.
Clean the house? Can't, I've got writing to do. Make an elaborate dinner? Can't, I've got writing to do. Take the kids to dance? Honey, can you do it? I've got writing to do. For one whole month, my entire family agrees that Mommy achieving her writing goal is important and everyone picks up the slack, or makes the adjustments to help make that happen--especially me! I feel like I have a legitimate excuse to slack on all the crap I never slack on.
The only problem with this is that when December 1st hits, I am behind the eight ball and no fancy trick shot is going to get me out. I am behind on all holiday prep work-- no cards have been ordered, no decorating has been done, no merriment has been planned, no gifts have been purchased. Oh, and I still have to plan my beautiful daughter's birthday...who I so strategically gave birth to on December 16th.
So this year, as with the last, I'm going to say, 7 years, I am trying to find a way to relax into the holiday season. I have yet to be successful with this, but I still keep trying. And I am fully aware that my participation in Nano probably makes this worse. But I don't care. Because I love it. Even though it was harder for me this year than ever, I still love it. I marvel at what I'm able to produce in just 30 days.
In 30 days, I created, from nothing but a few pages of notes and an inspiration board on Pinterest, an entire novel for children. Not just 50,000 words, but characters and another world, and a story. For 30 days I lived and breathed this story and now I find that I miss it. I want to go back.
But for now, I will stay in this world, in this story...in my story. I have work to do here. There are people here that need me. But what this year's Nano experience taught me, is that the solace we find in the flow of doing something that we love-- be it writing, painting, cooking, gardening, woodworking, whatever-- is an important part of living full and healthy and rich lives.
It is important like eating vegetables and exercising and meditation or prayer. And so is the diligence of committing to a goal and following through on it. The drive that makes us keep at it even when the going gets tough because we committed to it, because we want it, because it's important to us. That's important too. And those are the gifts of Nano. I don't just have a rough draft of a new book at the end of November. I have the gift of 30 days of flow and diligence. 30 days of a special connection to who I am at my core-- a creator, a storyteller, a wordsmith.
Now that Nano is over for another year, my job is to take what I've learned and apply it for the next 11 months-- or at least not completely forget it. My job is to remember that flow and diligence are important year round. My job is to prioritize my writing work over the minutia...just like my job is to prioritize real connection with my family over that minutia, too! So, on the days when I don't feel like writing, I write anyway...at least a little. Same with the veggies and exercise and meditation/prayer.
There are so few things we really need to sustain us. Love, family, and community. Care for our bodies with good, healthy food and movement. Care for our souls with meditation or prayer. Fun and laughter. Peace and quiet. Flow and a project. That's pretty much it. As much as I tell my husband that I really need new pajamas for Christmas, because the ones I have are, well, sad. I really don't NEED them. What I need are love, family, community, care, fun, laughter, peace, quiet and flow...and really good concealer, because mama's got some SERIOUS dark circles under her eyes!
Until next time, may your life bestow these gifts upon you: love, care, fun, laughter, peace, quiet, flow...and a great concealer and, maybe, some nice pjs.
Love to you.
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