And second, it is definitely not at the flip of a switch!
I've decided to think about this as a journey. Like Bilbo Baggins of Hobbit fame, I was all but dragged from my cozy, humble homeostasis into a perilous adventure. Unlike Bilbo Baggins, I wouldn't be slaying orcs or getting lost in caverns. No, I would be climbing Menopause Mountain. A potentially 10+ year adventure involving a harrowing journey to the top and then an equally slippery descent down the other side. Also unlike Bilbo Baggins, there'd be no Gandolf on my side. Just me, my girlfriends, and the internet. (And doctors...a little bit.)
The bad news was that I'd be leaving behind my youthful reproductive years. The worse news was that the journey would be long and rough. But the good news was that there was supposedly bliss on the other side.
A calm meadow with a babbling brook. A sandy beach along an ocean with gentle waves. A cozy library with lattes and books.
I just needed to tackle that mountain and that glorious respite would be mine...in 10+ years.
The journey begins with PeriMenopause, a term I'd never even heard of until I was in it. PeriMenopause is the transition from child-bearing years to non-child-bearing years. During this time, a woman's body releases eggs less regularly, produces less estrogen and other hormones, becomes less fertile, and has shorter and more irregular menstrual cycles.
Actual Menopause is just a day. Seriously. Menopause is the day you haven't had a period for 365 days. That's it. The next day? Welcome to PostMenopause.
Here's a (non-exhaustive) list of possible PeriMenopause symptoms:
- Mood changes, including increase in anxiety or depression, as well as general irritability
- Changes in sexual desire
- Fatigue
- Irregular periods, sometimes with very heavy flow
- Trouble concentrating or brain fog
- Headaches
- Night Sweats
- Hot flashes/flushes
- Vaginal dryness
- Trouble with sleep
- Joint and muscle aches
- Heavy sweating
- Weight gain
- Frequent urination
- PMS-like symptoms
- As well as loss of bone and changing cholesterol levels
That's a lot of shit.
Now, some of you may only experience a few of these symptoms and your symptoms may be quite mild. If that's you, well, good for you. But for the rest of us, this can be a trying road of feeling betrayed by your body.
I am quite happy to leave behind my reproductive years. I have reproduced twice and that is exactly the right amount for me. I do not wish to do it again. But my body has gone wackadoo beginning in my early 40s, and that has not been an enjoyable experience. And because I had children a bit later than average, this crap hit me when I was knee-deep in the early (hardest) years of motherhood. Not a great combo.
For me, Perimenopause began with a marked increase in anxiety. Like, it went from manageable life/mom stress to panic attacks in public places in the blink of an eye. So I went from unmedicated to medicated in my early forties (because disintegrating in a public library is no bueno).
Then my periods lost all control. A 17-21 day cycle, and bleeding so bad I ended up in the ER once because I thought I was hemorrhaging. (I was not, thank goodness. But I have struggled with anemia off and on ever since.) And the PMS became unbearable. I started having debilitating cramps like I had in high school, before going on birth control pills. So, my doctor put me on birth control pills to help with these symptoms.
My symptoms seemed to be under control for a while, thanks to the help of these medications. And then I crossed into my mid-to-late 40s and all hell broke loose again. Another spike in anxiety and PMS symptoms, meant dosage increases in my meds. And then came the weight gain, hot flashes, night sweats, brain fog, and fatigue. This is when PeriMenopause became the What The Fuck years. It felt like every day was a new adventure in what the hell was my body going to do today. I started to feel a bit crazy...like I was really losing my marbles.
My normally crackerjack brain just wasn't working right, and I had so little energy. My meds were helping, but I was still on a daily rollercoaster of mental, emotional, and physical turmoil. And the fucking hot flashes and night sweats? Forget about it. Absolutely ridiculous. I would wake up drenched in sweat and freezing. Sometimes I've had to get up and change clothes. I've bought all kinds of new pajamas and breathable bedding. I have a fan going at all times and the room temp turned down as low as my family will allow, and still, it happens.
About a year ago I started playing tennis again (best decision ever!). At the end of an hour and a half of court play, everyone is a little sweaty. I, on the other hand, have drenched my clothes. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable a soaking wet sports bra is?
And still I have not reached the summit of Menopause Mountain. I can see it now, but I'm not yet there. I think the average age for The Menopause is 51, so I have high hopes for the next year. But every woman's tale of PostMenopause is different. Some see relief from symptoms quite quickly, and others don't. I've crossed all the body parts, not just my fingers, that I'll be one of the lucky ones and things will calm the hell down next year. Meanwhile, I just keep climbing.
And as I climb, I work on my mindset about the whole thing. This isn't hell, it's an adventure. I'm Bilbo Baggins and I'm fighting the good fight. I'm trying to work with my body rather than resent it. I've learned to love my larger body and try to give it the movement and nourishment it needs. And I've tried to lower my standards for my brain's response time. It's okay to drop a ball here and there. It's okay to have to wait an extra second or two (or 120) for the word I'm looking for to show up. There's a lot of stuff in there and it can be hard to find things. (Incidentally, I like to image a crotchety old librarian pushing a book cart around inside my brain telling my to keep my voice down, she'll be with me in a minute whenever this happens.)
But I do think we need more education in our society about this time of life. Like, it should be taught in middle school health class and then reiterated at doctor's appointments in your late 30s. Women should know what might be coming as they enter their 40s so they are not blindsided by symptoms and think they're cracking up, like I did. And we all need to talk about it more. I don't ever remember my mom talking about PeriMenopause symptoms when she was going through it. But I can tell you for sure that my kids know about it. My daughter may be surprised when it happens to her, but at least she'll know what it is.
So, tell your daughters about what you're experiencing. And talk to your friends about it. Tell your doctors, too. Because they need to learn to be more open with patients about this phase of life-- before we even start asking questions. The more open we are about all the phases of life as a woman, and how different they all can be, the better equipped we'll all be to handle things. We need to support each other and celebrate these cycles of life. Because even with all the negatives of this Menopause Triad, I'm still more contented with life than ever. Though trying at times, this is something to look forward to. This isn't a curse or the free-fall to the old hagdom. This is a freeing. A wisening. A beautiful metamorphosis. This is when we get to open our new, beautiful wings and fly.
Until next time, stay cool my friends.
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