Remembering Your Why

This is not a To Do List. This is a Cosmic Book
of Hopes and Dreams and Deeper Whys.
(Sculpture by David Kracov)

I've spent the last week or so in a heightened state of anxiety. It has not been fun. I tried blaming in on the move and all the extra stuff there is to do with the house and the life. I've spent more than four hours at the DMV in the last week and I still have to go back one more time. That's reason enough for anxiety, right?

But then, last night, (after having a mini anxiety attack) I remembered what my last therapist said to me around this same time last year. Amy, this is your stress time. Every year, the activities and responsibilities ramp up in October, hit a frenzied peak in mid December, and then slowly descend back to normal by New Years. And every year your anxiety follows the same path.

This happens every year for me since I had kids.

Every. Damn. Year.

And every year I am surprised by it (Every. Damn. Year.) and try to shove it down and push on through and explain it away with special circumstances (like moving to a new state). Every year I pile on the responsibilities. And every year, subconsciously,  I feel like I'm not up to snuff. (I don't actively think, Wow, I'm really failing at this. But if you dig down a layer, that's the underlying belief when I can't get EVERYTHING done perfectly ALL THE TIME. I've been through enough therapy to recognize that much!)

What really irks me about this is that I've been a mother for almost eleven years and I still have not retained this life lesson.

I'm normally such a good student, this must be due to the demise of many braincells since having kids.

So, following said revelation yesterday, I took a step back and reassessed. I re-instituted some self-care and refocused my thinking and my priorities. I got back to meditating and using essential oils. I reminded myself how much movement helps. And, THE BIG ONE:

I remembered my WHY.

This is two fold for me. Part of the reason for the extra bump in anxiety this week is that we are now two days away from November 1. For me, that's two days away from the start of NaNoWriMo! (For those new to this blog, that's National Novel Writing Month. Where writers from all over the world commit to writing 50,000 words in 30 days-- essentially that's writing a novel--or a large chunk of one--in a month. This will be my 7th year participating in NaNoWriMo.)

So my DEEPER WHY is connected to my family life: To build a fun and love-filled life for me and my family and friends-- and my writing life: To connect with others through words and stories, and make the world a less lonely place to be.

When you're stressing about getting your house in order and your new license plates and winter gear for the kids and cleaning for guests and oh my God what novel am I going to write in November and I haven't done any research and my outlines not done and....OH MY GOD!-- It can be a good time to remember your why.

Why are you here? Why do you do what you do? What do you want your legacy to be?

Is it to be a stressed out ball of angst?

Probably not.

Is it to be perfect at everything you do?

Not actually possible. Plus, subjective measuring stick. Perfectly dusted furniture means different things to me and my mom. Trust me.

So what is it?

Remembering our deeper why can help us refocus on what really matters and why we do what we do.

So, if, like me, you sometimes get sucked in to the frenetic pace that can be life in our world today, and you find yourself stressed out trying to do it all-- if your body reminds you that you're heading down the wrong path (with headaches or indigestion or sleep troubles or aches and pains or whatever), then take a moment to step back and remember your deeper why.

And then remember it again and again, with every sunrise. This is why you're here. This is why you do what you do.

And, always, take care of you.

Until next time, love on, dear ones!


P.S. If you'd like to read more about dealing with anxiety, check out these previous blog posts:https://mamamanagement.blogspot.com/2018/04/anxiety-confessions.html
https://mamamanagement.blogspot.com/2018/04/fear.html
https://mamamanagement.blogspot.com/2018/06/self-care-why-is-it-always-first-thing.html
https://mamamanagement.blogspot.com/2018/09/she-let-go.html
https://mamamanagement.blogspot.com/2018/12/holiday-stress-and-anxiety.html
https://mamamanagement.blogspot.com/search/label/Anxiety

P.P.S. If you're interested in using guided mediations, there are lots of free apps out there to help you. I use Insight Timer, which I highly recommend, but there are many others. Here's my current favorite guided mediation to help me slow down and recenter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFwT_r4b57c

P.P.P.S. And don't forget to cheer me on for NaNoWriMo 2019! It starts Friday and I can you all the support I can get! Thanks, friends!