MamaManagement

It's December 2nd, and the holiday season is officially in full swing. We've all just survived Thanksgiving, only to be thrown head first into the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/December Land of Craziness. This is normally the season of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm for me. At least it has been since I had kids. In years past, I've started slipping down this stress-slope in September, with back-to-school. I pick up some serious speed as we careen through autumn and Halloween, fall on my butt come November as I attempt to write 50,000 words of a new book in NaNoWriMo, and then "handle" Thanksgiving. Finally, I crawl toward the New Year's finish line, bedraggled and beaten, while simultaneously creating a fantastic birthday for my daughter and a memorable Christmas for all. And, sadly, most every year, I am blindsided by all of this. Sigh. I know. If it happens every year and I, theoretically, know it's coming, how can I be blindsided? Your guess ...

This is not a To Do List. This is a Cosmic Book of Hopes and Dreams and Deeper Whys. (Sculpture by David Kracov) I've spent the last week or so in a heightened state of anxiety. It has not been fun. I tried blaming in on the move and all the extra stuff there is to do with the house and the life. I've spent more than four hours at the DMV in the last week and I still have to go back one more time. That's reason enough for anxiety, right? But then, last night, (after having a mini anxiety attack) I remembered what my last therapist said to me around this same time last year. Amy, this is your stress time. Every year, the activities and responsibilities ramp up in October, hit a frenzied peak in mid December, and then slowly descend back to normal by New Years. And every year your anxiety follows the same path. This happens every year for me since I had kids. Every. Damn. Year. And every year I am surprised by it (Every. Damn. Year.) and try to shove it down and p...

I have not shown up here on MamaManagement in many months. There are lots of reasons I could list as to why. But, I think the core of it is that I haven't had much to say. We've had a lot of "stuff" going on...all of which revolves around us moving from Pennsylvania to Illinois in August. Plus, for a while there, back in Spring and early summer, I was working hard on book revisions (decidedly NOT the case now. Sigh.). But mainly, I've just been really self-absorbed lately. Both in good ways and in bad. Truth be told, I've been a bit of a hermit these last few months. Much of my reclusiveness was born out of prepping for the move and then moving. Moving a family from one state to another is a full time job. And it's stressful. It throws your family's entire life off its rhythm. And, in my case, it also throws your mind, body, and spirit off-rhythm. My mind has had so much on it that it no longer works properly. Information flows in and out lik...

I have subscribed to the pervasive diet culture that exists in the United States for my entire adolescent and adult life. As a one hundred and fifteen pound teenager, I believed myself fat. My body, though I see now in the rearview mirror of age, was beautiful even by society's standards, became a loathsome enemy very early on. I compared myself to magazines and movies and friends. Everyone was always thinner and more beautiful. Everyone had clearer skin and a skinnier waist and thinner thighs. I was an attractive enough girl...and then woman. I wasn't "ugly" per se, but I was less than. Within each decade of my life, there seemed to be some magical (and unattainable) number on the scale that held the holy grail of "enough". If I could just get to that number...120, 125, 130, 135...then everything would be great. I'd be thin enough, pretty enough, fashionable enough... I'd be enough. As I got older, especially once I had kids, that "...

So much... When I have a low day (or days) that appears, seemingly, for no reason whatsoever (as in: nothing has happened, nothing is "wrong"), I have a really hard time accepting it as normal. It is, you know. Normal. To have a blue mood every once in a while. To be "in a funk." I'm not talking about depression. I'm talking about a day or two, maybe a week, when you just feel...blah. Life has lost its shimmer and shine. Maybe you have lost your shimmer and shine, too...temporarily. That's me today...okay, this week, really. And I feel equal parts mad about it and guilty for it. I don't want to feel blue. It's dumb. There's no reason for it. Nothing is wrong beyond the fact that it's February in Pennsylvania. But "the funk" doesn't care what I want. The funk will be, if it chooses to be. The funk will have its way...and that makes me mad. I also feel an undercurrent of guilt. What right do I have to be blue? ...

From an art class I took last summer. This ended up being the background for all the mini-paintings I did this fall. Today I'm here to urge you to take a class . I know you're super busy. I know there are already too many things crammed into your day. I know you've got work and home and kids and spouse and workouts and family and friends and general life stuff all vying for your attention and time. And the last thing you want to do is add something else into the mix. But I don't care. I still think you should take a class. I don't really care what kind of class you take. It can be one that gets you further in your career. It can be one that introduces you to a new hobby. It can be one that you've always wanted to take. It can help you learn a new sport. (Tennis, anyone?) It can be online. It can be through your community rec center. It can be at a local college. What and where it is doesn't really matter all that much, as long as it's somet...

I always spend time at the beginning of each year thinking about the year ahead of me. I have this notebook in which I've been writing thoughts and dreams and goals and ideas for years. I pull this notebook out and I look at it. I flip through the pages and soak in all of the aspiration and energy that radiates off the paper. It's like taking a bath in optimist soup! Then I focus in on what I wrote last year. What was I brainstorming about? What was I trying to do? And what of that did I accomplish? When I've done all of that, I usually start brainstorming around the new year. In the past I've even come up with a theme for the new year and centered my goals around that theme. But this year was a little different. First of all, now that writing has become more of a job than a hobby for me, I create two separate lists: one of writing goals and one of life goals. Like anyone with a career, you're likely to have work goals and personal goals. For me, those ...

Over the years I have become a master in the art of notes. I make notes to myself in my phone, on sticky notes, in my calendar, on long lists, in writing notebooks and planning notebooks, and in my head. I leave notes for my kids in their lunch boxes. I write notes in cards and emails and text messages to my family and friends. I send reminder notes and favor notes and random thoughts to my husband when he's at work. I have note pads and note books and note apps galore. Lots of places and spaces to make notes to myself. Do this. Do that. Don't forget this. Remember that. And I love them. They give me a certain sense of security. They assuage my anxiety. Or, at least I thought they did. I mean, they did...until they didn't. Somewhere along the line my note making went from being a helpful habit to being something more akin to an addiction. But, as far as I know, there's no twelve step program for note making. So, I'm on my own with this one. Over the last ...

Oh my Lord, it's December, people! The month when my brain goes a mile a minute during all of the minutes. The season when I am forever remembering that I've forgotten something. (How is it even possible to be constantly in a state of both forgetting and remembering??? It's like having my feet in two different dimensions at the same time. In one version of reality I am remembering everything--Yay; in the another version I am forgetting everything--Boo. (I hope there's a third reality where I'm just napping and reading and drinking coffee.) Fifteen minutes ago, I checked out twice at Target because the first time I forgot a gift card-- the gift card that was my main purpose for going to Target in the first place...and this was my third trip to Target in the last seven days. (insert eye roll here-- Target you are a blessing and a curse.) But my brain did not just short circuit on December 1st, oh no. That happened on November 24th... We visited my in-laws f...

Dear Diary, I was really tired last week. Like, really tired. Like in my bones. Throughout my body. In my brain. Just, tired. My first inclination is to react to this by powering through. I can do it. I'll get up and get going and it'll be fine. I ignore what my body is telling me with fatigue, and aches and pains, and brain fog, and I plow on through. And then, on the, like, third day of exhaustion, despite reasonable nights of sleep, it occurs to me that maybe I should listen to my body. Maybe it's okay to take it easy. Maybe the ridiculously heavy period I'm having is somehow related to how I'm feeling. Maybe my body needs me to slow down...just for a bit. Fun Fact: Did you know that back in biblical times, women went to a special place together during menstruation? The Red Tent. (The book of the same name, by Anita Diamant, is wonderful, by the way.) There were lots of reasons for this back then (some, not so great) that we don't need to get into ...

Do you ever feel frazzled? Overwhelmed? Ready to burst from all the balls you're juggling, all the weight that's perched on your shoulders, all the expectations and judgments that feel like they're coming from other people, but really all come from your own thoughts? Maybe sometimes you swipe the thoughts and feelings aside and just keep going. But other times, the weight becomes too much, and you crack. Maybe you cry, maybe you yell, maybe you recede into yourself, maybe you eat, maybe you drink, maybe you have panic attacks, maybe you feel depressed. Whatever you do, you become suddenly aware of your tight grip on the wheel, the tension in your neck and shoulders, the roil of your stomach, the aching tiredness in your bones, and all the mistakes you're making. If you have ever felt like this, well, this post is for you. Read on. So, I use the meditation app Insight Timer pretty much everyday. (I highly recommend it.) I listen to guided meditations and use the m...