We've had a lot of "stuff" going on...all of which revolves around us moving from Pennsylvania to Illinois in August. Plus, for a while there, back in Spring and early summer, I was working hard on book revisions (decidedly NOT the case now. Sigh.). But mainly, I've just been really self-absorbed lately.
Both in good ways and in bad.
Truth be told, I've been a bit of a hermit these last few months. Much of my reclusiveness was born out of prepping for the move and then moving. Moving a family from one state to another is a full time job. And it's stressful. It throws your family's entire life off its rhythm. And, in my case, it also throws your mind, body, and spirit off-rhythm.
My mind has had so much on it that it no longer works properly. Information flows in and out like water through a sieve. I misplace my phone at least ten times a day. A week or two ago, I lost my wedding ring and searched frantically before finally remembering that I'd purposely put it in a bathroom cupboard for safe keeping. I still can't find the brand new box of heartworm medicine I bought for the dog just before we moved. I'm relatively certain it'll turn up eventually. At least I know for certain I bought it, because I found the receipt....just not the actual medicine.
My body, which has been coasting on a slow, meandering downhill slope for over a year, careened around a sharp turn and launched itself down a Matterhorn-esque slalom, jiggling it's way toward some seemingly bottomless chasm. It ain't pretty, by current cultural standards. But I'm working toward loving it anyway.
My spirit is hanging in there, weathering the stormy days and relishing the sunny ones. It has moments of clarity and bliss. It has days hung heavy with grey, armored clouds and bits of residual anxiety. It feels as though it's finding its way, but it's taking its own sweet time trudging through the muck.
And me? Well, I'm trying hard to love it all. Loving what is, not the storied version of life I conjured up somewhere along the way (fed by marketing and media). Trusting that the universe has my back and will lead me out of the muck and back into the light. Living in the now, not the "when x happens, then I'll..." Embracing uncertainty and change. Seeing life for the adventure it is and jumping at opportunities whenever they arise. Stopping putting things off or spending lots of time weighing the options and wondering if it's the "right" decision.Jumping into the deep end and trusting I'll remember how to swim.
It's slow-going. But I'm trying.
I read this quote on Instagram the other day and thought it fit perfectly with where my (scattered and tattered) brain is at right now:
each morning,
ask your heart
how it would like
to be loved
and each day,
do that.
--della hicks wilson
I love that.
Also, I just finished a Fredrik Backman book (My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry). I love his stories (I've read 4 so far) because they (almost) always have quirky characters that share a unique way of looking at life and death. And his books always make me feel warm and gooey inside and soften my perspective on life, at least for a while.
So, my new motto is: Embrace uncertainty and change.
At least for now.
Until next time...Hope you all are well. Sending love and light and warm, gooey feelings your way.
xx
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