The recipe has looked something like this:
2 cups Winter Blues
1 cup Cabin Fever
1 cup General Life Stressors
1/2 cup Grey Skies
1/4 cup Freezing Temperatures
2 tbsps Stuffy Noses and Sore Throats
1/2 tsp Aches and Pains
1/3 cup Sick of Everything
Mix all together for a big batch of blah, and then go back to bed.
My husband's been massively stressed out at work. My daughter doesn't even want to go to school because she's so sick of the noise and chaos of stir-crazy kids. Everyone's so on edge that they're blowing up and breaking down over even the smallest annoyances. Even my always happy little man has a lower tolerance for frustration these days.
This family is in massive need of a mental health break.
And that's exactly what we're doing right now. It's Spring Break week at the kids' school and we have run away to North Carolina for a change of scenery, slightly warmer temps, and a little family R&R. It is a much needed break that I hope will re-energize everyone.
But the truth is that we all needed this break a while ago. For months I've felt like some sort of task master urging, encouraging (pushing, prodding) everyone forward on this seemingly never-ending trek from January to the end of March.
As overseer of this family's mental (and physical) health, the fact that my family is completely burned out feels a lot like my fault. But I've felt beholden to the kids' schedules. School is school--no questions there, right? And we signed up for all of these activities-- we've committed to them and we've paid for them, so we have to go, right?
Me thinks, maybe, no.
These days, I think we have a tendency to massively over-schedule our kids just like we over-commit ourselves. I try not to do that with my kids (and I'm trying not to do it with myself, as well), but it's surprisingly hard. And I'm not even talking about the peer pressure around this matter-- the keeping up with the Joneses or the competitive busyness culture. I'm thinking more of the fact that there are so many great opportunities out there for experiences and learning, and I want my kids to be able to try out all the things they're interested in as they hone in on what they really love. But I also recognize their need for unscheduled time and open play and relaxation-- a need that is actually the most important one they've got after food, water, and sleep.
But the school year doesn't really allow for that. We're up before 7am and out the door before 8am. School starts at 8:15am and they don't get off the bus until almost 4pm. If they've got an activity at 6pm, that only gives us two hours for downtime, dinner, and driving to said activity. And an 8 or 8:30pm bedtime doesn't allow for anything else but a little reading time before lights out. Thank goodness our school doesn't assign homework, or we'd have even less time for play and relaxation!
The truth is, we don't need more time at school or more time in scheduled activities. What we need more of-- for kids and adults alike-- is play. More play, more relaxing, more fun, more imagination, more exploration, more naps, more downtime. Less stress, less life being dictated by a clock, less direct instruction.
We've been watching old family videos lately from when the kids were babies/toddlers/preschoolers. (It's so fun! There are so many things I'd forgotten about!) Well, one night after watching videos, while my daughter and I were laying in her bed, she said to me, "I wish I was still three like in the video. Everything was so easy and fun." She nine, you guys. Nine! How is my nine year old feeling the pressure of day-to-day life? She said she misses preschool, when learning was done through play (a testament to the play-based preschools she attended!), and that she wishes school was still a half day so she could be home more.
All of this has got me thinking about how our go-go-go, do-do-do society has taken over our kids lives in quite the same way it has taken over ours. And it seems like the only way to truly override this is to pull your children out of it completely, and homeschool them. It's not something I really want to do, but I'll tell you, there is something really appealing about being able to call the shots on what my kids' day looks like and how they learn; to allow for more play time and down time and open exploration. I wish I had it in me...
Since I'm not ready to pull out of school society completely, I've been thinking about simpler ways to lighten the load. We already try to keep as many of our evenings and weekends as open as possible. But I think we could stand to allow for more spur of the moment decisions that allow for a break when it's really needed. Something like, "You don't feel like going to dance tonight? Okay, we'll skip it this week. And that's okay." And I think that may have to go for school as well. (Gasp.) The good news is that my daughter has been really healthy this school year, so no sick days...but maybe she needs the occasional mental health day.
Maybe we all do.
Maybe we all need to play hooky every so often. Maybe we need the occasional day to sit at the park with the sun on our face, or catch a matinee movie with a tub of popcorn, or sneak off to the paint your own pottery studio or the driving range. Maybe we need more spur of the moment decisions to take an overnight trip to another city even though it'll mean rescheduling that meeting or orthodontist appointment, or missing a spelling test.
I think there's power in taking a break from everyday life when you need it. The key phrase being WHEN YOU NEED IT. Maybe it can't always align with the school or office schedule. The power is ours to take care of ourselves and our families; to decide when we need a break, when we need some fun or some rest. We need to assert ourselves and make certain that we're all getting the open playtime that we so desperately need. (And we need to remember, that unless our job involves life-saving surgery, we can miss a day, and no one dies.)
Sometimes the natural rule-follower in me forgets that. Like the last few months. Instead of marching us all, in plodding, rule-following fashion, from our last break in January to our now break in March, maybe I should have gifted us with some intermediate breaks along the way. Instead of pushing through my daughter's tears, maybe I should have taken it as a sign and taught her that it's important to care for ourselves. It's not about giving up when the going gets tough or shirking our responsibilities or not taking our commitments seriously; it's about listening to our bodies and our spirits and caring for them the way we would a dear friend.
The point is to listen. Listen to your body; listen to your spirit; listen to yourselves. And listen to your children. Hear their words. Watch their body language. Read between the lines of their tears and tempers. And trust your gut.
Because, truth be told, my gut's been telling me we all needed a break for a while. I just let my rule-following, do what I'm told self call the shots instead.
A wise woman (Maya Angelou) once said, When we know better, we do better. I hope now that I know better and will do better.
Until next time, honor your power, your self, and your children, and take a break when you need it.
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