Skip to main content

On The Dark Days















On the dark days
I want to buzz cut my hair and
look nothing like myself.
I want
to unzip this suit of
skin and face and hair
and rid myself of the weight of it.
It has become so heavy
like a wet, wool coat
beneath one of those lead vests
they drape you in for dental x-rays.

I want to feel light
like waves on the ocean,
skimming frothy on wet sand,
like birds on the air,
clouds on the sky.
But the iron-cast belly
of babies and middle age
drags me down.

I just want to wipe away the heat,
to lay on the cool tile floor,
feel the staccatoed breeze
of an oscillating fan,
hear nothing but it's gentle, caressing whir,
stare blankly into the space just
inches from the tip of my nose.

An hour later I'll notice
the comforting weight of my tiny
dog's body
against my leg
and it will be enough to release
the tears.

Silent drops.
Because, well, silence.

My reflection, forever
emblazoned on the back of my eyelids,
will heave my chest in breaths
I don't want to take
for fear that I'll only grow bigger
with each one. Only more
of what I don't want to be.

And the failure of this thought
will pile
shovel-full after
shovel-full of the dirt
of shame
and guilt on top of me.
Now I am buried
on the cool tile floor.

A new weight.

It will relax me.

Beneath the soil the tiny seed of
hope will sprout.
Its delicate, pale green tendrils will
swirl toward the surface
seeking air and sun and
warm, summer rains and
days that aren't quite so very
dark.


by amy lorbach





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Crunchy Ramen Noodle Salad…I am so in love!

Here's a great little summer dish. A perfect side for whatever you've thrown on the grill. A great dish to pass for that neighborhood BBQ. A lovely salad to just make up and leave in the fridge for easy lunches on a hot day. It's Ramen Noodle Salad. Now, I'm not sure this dish actually qualifies as clean eating, despite the word "salad" in it's name…what with the ramen noodles and the seasoning packet. But it is so seriously good that I could have eaten the ENTIRE giant bowl of it. Seriously. When I made it last week I could not stop eating it. It might actually be a little addictive. So, don't say I didn't warn you... Crunchy Ramen Noodle Salad 2 pkg uncooked ramen noodles 2.5 oz sliced almonds (or just a big handful) 3/4 c. sunflower seeds 1/2 c. finely chopped onion (whatever kind you have) 1 bag broccoli slaw 2 ramen noodle seasoning packets 3/4 c. oil (use what you like; I used canola oil) 1/2 c. white vinegar 1/3 c. sugar ...

OMG Honey Mustard Pretzel-Crusted Chicken...So Good!

I made this chicken last weekend when we had family in visiting...this drives my husband nuts when I try out new recipes when we have guests...just because one little time dinner turned out awful! (Seriously, it was barely edible. Oops!) I say, this is the occasional price we pay for wonderful food exploration! And this Honey Mustard Pretzel-Crusted Chicken is a fantastic example of just that! It. Was. Delish.  So here you have it...tasty AND company-worthy! (My 4 year old loved it too...I mean, who doesn't love pretzels and honey mustard!) Honey Mustard Pretzel-Crusted Chicken   (from cinnamonspiceandeverythingnice.com) 4 c. hard sourdough pretzels, coarsely crushed 1/2 c. olive oil 1/2 c. Dijon mustard 1/3 c. honey 1/4 c. water 3 tbsp red wine vinegar (or other mild vinegar...I used white wine because it's what I had on hand) coarse salt and black pepper 1 1/2 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Set wire rack (like oven-safe co...

30 Days to a New Me: Danette May's 30 Day New You Challenge Review

 A little more than 30 days ago I was in despair. If you read my last post, you already know that I found myself in a post holiday/start of a new year funk. And I knew that a big part of that funk had to do with how I was (or in this case, wasn't) taking care of myself. I had let the holiday season take over my life and my better judgment. I had given up good eating and exercise habits. I had stopped writing. I hadn't had a moment to myself. It was not good. But one part of where I was mentally, emotionally and physically wasn't just holiday backlash. It was part of a bigger problem. Since we moved to our current home over three years ago, I had gained weight. A lot of weight, for me. (As of January 1, I weighed the most I had ever weighed outside of pregnancy.) I had tried many, many times to lose that weight, as I was gaining it, over the last few years. I used the same methods I had always successfully used to lose/maintain weight or increase fitness--stepping ...