March 7, 2015

On My Birthday

Birthdays are funny things. Especially as I get older.

I think I'm in this limbo land right now. I exist somewhere between the excitement of a child and the nonchalance of an older adult. I'm between "OH MY GOD IT'S MY BIRTHDAY WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" and "What? It's my birthday? I thought it was just Saturday. Well, that's nice. I could eat a cupcake."

As a full time mom of two young children I relish the idea of a day that's all about me. Like many moms, I get two a year: my birthday and mother's day. That's it. And I mean that is REALLY it. Every other day...most seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months...all those measurements we use for time ticking about other people. And most of the time that is quite okay with me. Most of the time I relish a life focused on others. I spent the first thirty years focused primarily on me. It's been kind of nice to not have time to dissect (worry, ruminate over) every little thing in my life. I sleep better. Or, I would if small children didn't keep waking me up.

But sometimes it's nice to be given permission to do what I want without any guilt. It's nice to get breakfast in bed and cups of coffee delivered to me wherever I am, whenever I want. It's nice to get sweet homemade cards and extra hugs and I love yous. It's nice to get thoughtful presents and cards addressed to "my beautiful young wife." And that's what gets my WOOOOHOOOOO!!! Today I will read and write and enjoy a few minutes of peace and much as the kids will allow. I won't have to cook or clean or wipe kid bottoms. And all kinds of lovely people will wish me happy birthday. (Thanks, Facebook....and text messages and FaceTime.)

The best thing about having a birthday in early March is that this "Day of Amy" comes at a time when I most need a special day. (Thanks, Mom and Dad.) When I am sick of cold and snow and snow days and kid-crazies and illnesses and I have a nasty case of cabin fever. I SO NEED THIS DAY.

February was a mildly shitty month, so I'm psyched to leave it behind.

Here's to my special day! Here's to an awesome March-- the dawning of Spring, the peeking of sun, the melting of snow, the shedding of heavy coats. Here's to walks outside and seeing the neighbors again. Here's to no more school delays and snow days. Here's to reestablishing my coffehouse schedule and writing routine. Here's to the joy of spring. And here's to another year of good health and prosperity and love and joy and all the good things of life.

On my birthday, it serves me well to take a little rest and a little time to reflect on me and my life. Not to worry and ruminate like the days of old (When will I get married? Will I have kids? Does my butt look big in this?), but to reflect. To think. To ponder. To refocus on what's important to me. And to refill my tank with gratitude for the amazing life I am blessed with.

Sometimes it's easy for me to get bogged down in the frustration of days that don't go as planned, of things not accomplished, of kids not behaving as I'd like, of no "me time" for mommy, of crappy weather, of a sick dog, of too much to do...

Sometimes it's easy for me to lose sight of what's really important and get sucked into the vortex of to do's, the black hole of multitasking.

Today is a day to stop, adjust my trajectory, and get back on the path I meant to be walking.

So, thank you, Rolland, for time to myself to be quiet and think (and for Chipotle for lunch and all of the other things). I will hit the reset button while I sit here in the quiet. And tomorrow I'll worry less about getting the laundry done and more about doing that big art project with Portia and play camping with Holden and playing video games with Rolland and getting an hour of writing in and...

(But I'll still get the laundry done. I'm refocusing, not turning wild, folks.)

So I'm going to go now, to continue enjoying my lovely little me day. Read a little. Write a little. Be still a little. Watch a movie with my family. Pet my dog. Snuggle with my kids. Cuddle with my husband. And whisper thank you to the cosmos.

Until next time, go hit your own reset button wherever you need it most. It doesn't have to be your birthday to adjust your trajectory. I'm happy to share mine.


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